A Journey of Heartache and Recovery|Fuck You Cancer

As I sit down to write this blog a deep sigh releases from me. There are so many things I'd like to say about this session and breast cancer. So many things I want to communicate but I am going to just remove myself and let Jeni do it.

" Telling my mom was difficult, she lives in Philly and I waited until 2 weeks before surgery to tell her. Of course she flew down to be with me. you try to protect the ones that you love right? Telling my daughter was the hardest. Her best friends mom was diagnosed 5 years earlier and so my daughter had first hand knowledge of what cancer does. Plus now I worry and have guilt, did I pass this gene on to her?"

Jacksonville Boudoir Photography, Mastectomy Boudoir Photos, Mastectomy Tattoos,  Boudoir Photography, Mastectomy Post OP, Mastectomy reconstruction, Christina Karst PhotographyJacksonville Boudoir Photography, Mastectomy Boudoir Photos, Mastectomy Tattoos,  Boudoir Photography, Mastectomy Post OP, Mastectomy reconstruction, Christina Karst PhotographyJacksonville Boudoir Photography, Mastectomy Boudoir Photos, Mastectomy Tattoos,  Boudoir Photography, Mastectomy Post OP, Mastectomy reconstruction, Christina Karst Photography"I googled every image I could about mastectomy before and after pics. I needed to know what to expect scar wise but you're never prepared you know what I mean? I remember waking up from the surgery thinking "thank god I made it thru the surgery" and then I looked down and saw all the bandages and a deep sense of foreboding enveloped me as I wondered what hideous thing awaited me. about 2 hours later they came in to change the bandages and I told my mom, "you look and let me know it's okay" and when they took them off I looked at what was no longer there---as I tend to just face things head on and really didn't want to react to what I would have judged as my mom's view. It wasn't so bad, the incisions were neat and clean, but nothing prepares you for not seeing nipples. but you know what, it was't until after I had the implants put in 4 months later that I actually allowed myself to cry in the shower, grieving actually for a minute and then realizing that I had a "new" life to start, one without breasts."

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"Part of me wanting to do this boudoir shoot is because I met a man that is amazing and has told me that he wouldn't change one thing about me. That sentiment rocked me. He looks at me and tells me how beautiful I am, scars and all and he accepts me as a whole woman. want him to have this, being involved in the process, and the end product (the photos) as a reminder from me of what an extraordinary person he is for making me feel whole and for making me feel beautiful."

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"The other part is that when you asked if you could blog it and use the photos, I remembered what I searched for pre-surgery and now I can show other woman thru you, that not only is breast cancer NOT a death sentence, it can also be beautiful in the sense of a woman is not just what is on the outside sans nips, but also we are still beautiful."

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-xo